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Title : Ranking Birthday Girl Madonna's Albums
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Ranking Birthday Girl Madonna's Albums

Last week while realizing Madonna's 59th birthday was coming up -- 59! -- I started to feel nostalgic about the big sister I never had, and began reflecting on of all the great music she had given us over the years. To say she has provided the soundtrack of my youth is almost an understatement -- seeing her live on The Virgin (Phoenix), Who's That Girl (Detroit) and twice on Blond Ambition (Los Angeles) tours are four of my fondest concert memories -- and I can pretty much tell you where I was when each single and each video from those first few albums was released. (And let's not even talk about agonizing over chart positions -- "Cherish" should have hit No. 1, damn it!) 

 I've always been obsessed with lists -- before the Internet I would makes lists of anything I could think of (tennis rankings, albums I own, places I've been) -- so for fun I decided to rank her 13 studio albums (plus "I'm Breathless" since it kind of was one, too) to mark her special day. As I was doing this, so many thoughts and emotions crossed my mind -- remembering buying the "Borderline" single that folded out into a poster; getting the "True Blue" 45 on blue vinyl with the Holy Grail of Madonna songs ("Ain't No Big Deal") as its b-side, and it wasn't long before I began engaging all of my friends in this endlessly entertaining activity. (You don't have to ask a fellow gay twice to send you a list of his favorite Madonna albums!) 

Although for years I prided myself -- for lack of a better term -- on saying "Like a Prayer" and later "Ray of Light" were Madonna's best albums, when I really looked back on the past three-plus decades of her music, I had to admit that it was the first two that by far brought me the most joy. They're the two that I know every word and every breath of. Whose videos coming on MTV made my so-called (teenage) life worth living.

I remember shocking Joel Avery in P.E. class when I told him the girl who sang this was white!

They're the two I bought at Fiesta Mall with my friend Greg, that we played incessantly on our little record players while dissecting the album covers and liner notes -- debating which "side" of each was better. (Side 1's opener "Material Girl" was never my favorite and Side 2's "Dress You Up" is the best, but if you can get through the former then you get "Angel" and so much more!) Kind of to my surprise, I realized I was not alone in this way of thinking, as my two best friends -- Mark (from 6th grade) and the aforementioned Greg Jelinek (from 8th) -- Nina (my best gal pal), Scooter LaForge (artist), Greg Endries (photographer) and Bruce Derfler (aka DJ Taffy, who dazzled the crowd at my book-release party) all picked Madge's eponymous debut as their favorite, too. (In statistical terms that's 7 of the 13 people, or just over 50%.) 

Madonna biographer Matt Rettenmund and legendary promoter Chip Duckett both put "Ray of Light" on top -- which I would not argue against -- though interestingly picked "Madonna" (Matt) and "Like a Prayer" (Chip) as their runners-up, all concurring with my top four picks. Of the other fans, age certainly seemed to factor in -- as it did with my picks. My 39-year-old boyfriend (Damian) was just the right age when "Bedtime Stories" came out, and that's his favorite. And my theater-loving mid-40s friend Chad (of S'Good Reviews fame) loves "Erotica" best because it was his "coming out" album, although he technically put "Like a Prayer" first out of respect for his elders. (Peer pressure never ends!) The survey sample wasn't big, but I was a little surprised how high "Music" ranked with so many of the respondents. (Damian, Greg and Chip all had it in the Top 3 while Matt and I barely had it in the Top 10.) "Confessions on a Dancefloor" definitely wowed others more than it did me. Matt put it on par with his Top 3, Taffy had it No. 2 and Chip, Greg Jelinek and Scooter all had it in their Top 5. Greg Endries made a good point that if compact discs had never come along, "Erotica" and so on would have only had 11 songs or fewer, which would have trimmed some of the fat and possibly changed things.

While lists often feel like they were invented to stir up trouble, I present you mine with love and great respect for the artist. And now I'd love to hear your thoughts and personal rankings in the comments. Oh, and happy birthday, Madonna! Life wouldn't have been nearly as fun without you. xo

  1. "Madonna"

  2. "Like a Virgin"

  3. "Like a Prayer"

  4. "Ray of Light"

  5. "Bedtime Stories"

  6. "True Blue"

  7. "Erotica"

  8. "I'm Breathless"

  9. "Music"

10. "Confessions on a Dance Floor"

11. "American Life"

12. "Rebel Heart"*

13. "MDNA"

14. "Hard Candy"

*Based on her lineup, thanks to not one, but TWO songs about pussy juice(!) and the inclusion of a convicted rapist (I don't ever want Mike Tyson in my life); if I had been able to choose 11 songs from the 25 I got with my Ukrainian version of the album, it would have ranked higher. "Hard Candy" and "MDNA" also had bonus tracks that were better than stuff included on the proper release. All three of these are sort of like Rorschach tests to me -- depending on my mood I can either enjoy them or find them pretty annoying. Still all of them are better than 95% of the new music that comes my way, so it's not as big of a dig as it may sound.

P.S. See the others' Top 10 lists HERE.

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